When it comes to the costs of raising a child, I thought I was ahead of my time. Being a particularly demanding child, I caused my parents a significantly larger investment than my other brothers and sisters (except for Tony, but he's another issue altogether) and therefore I thought I would be ahead of the game when Shim enters the world and begins draining the good ole' USAA account. I know what diapers cost, I know what Catholic private schools on the East Coast cost, I know what hockey camps cost (not that Shim's mother would let Shim go, but its a good thing to know) and I know what the projected tuition for Harvard will be in the year 2026 (approximately 1 Billion dollars plus cost of living and dues to Blue Organic Living Monthly). However, I did not calculate one cost that is quite significant and therefore let this be a warning to those who are a little farther back on the road to victory/parenthood than I am.
Maternity clothing/accessories/technology is like the wedding business, one big criminal mafia that will look you right in the face and charge you obscene amounts of cash for adding a piece of elastic to a shirt that was crappy from the beginning. They are more than happy to create these over priced pieces of trash for just about every week of pregnancy, so that if you bought into the scheme, your pregnant wife would be purchasing several wardrobes a month. And since the value of elastic is significantly higher than the value of gold when it is haphazardly sown into the front of a cotton t-shirt that is supposedly designed for women in the first 1/5 of their 2nd trimester who are carrying a boy ... you see what I am saying.
Luckily for me, my wife is cheaper than me and so we bring you the following Prego Victory tale:
It has recently been brought to my attention, by my wife, that the jacket she currently owns makes her look like a grade schooler whose parents never wash her clothes and because of this the jacket has begun to stink. It should be noted that a pregnant woman has a sense of smell that rivals most blood hounds with which she can detect funk/grossness/yuckiness/mildewy smell from several miles a way depending on the wind. With this in mind we set out to secure for her a coat from the mall.
Now the problem should be clear, coats normally made during this time of the year are very cheap/ on clearance, because of the rapidly approaching spring. But those coats with the addition of elastic are quite expensive. So, we resolved to find a good coat on clearance that would do for the time being that would hopefully get her through the last cold months and could possibly be worn in a non-prego state.
Well, we searched and searched and the selection was quite picked over at most of the large department stores. The coats were on clearance but were still in the many hundreds of dollars or in the extremely hideous category. Either way, I was ready to throw in the towel and begin the necessary preparations to purchase the elastic waist banded jacket.
On a last minute whim, we decided to go into Banana Republic. Now if you know anything about Banana Republic (I heard rumors that Ed shops there....) you know that if you go inside you better be ready to step up to the plate and pay the high price coinciding with the privilege of wearing their apparel. You don't go into BR unless you are ready to play the game. So, needless to say, we didn't really have that high of hopes of success. We proceeded straight back to the clearance section on the back wall with the other paupers and suddenly a coat caught my eye on the last rung of the bottom shelf. It was several sizes bigger than anything that Gabby had tried on before, but because we were at our wits end, she tried on the coat anyway. It was as if the coat was tailored for a prego Gabby! But this was not the greatest part of the prego success story, this jacket was being essentially given away by BR for the pittance of only $20!!!!!! We honestly thought it was a joke.
In conclusion, for all you deal seeking Peases out there, here is a true success story to be contended with and I challenge you to try.
3 comments:
Wow! I didn't realize my coat success would be publicized in such a DMax fashion. It was a triumphant moment of course, but I don't think I could have expounded on it in that way.
We are, as you can tell, constantly amused and awed by all aspects of pregnancy. We'll certainly be ranting on again soon - one week till ultrasound!
I hear hear this place has good maternity wear: http://www.tarpsonline.com/
;-)
Well, I wish I could compete. My solution to winter pregnancy coverage has always been my large black wool dress coat, which has been so overtaxed by its unnatural usage that every single button has popped off. I am too lazy to sew them back on. My goal is to look as much like a pregnant bag lady (prego hobo? knocked-up down-on-her-luck?)as possible.
However, I am envious of the idea of wearing anything from such a trendy store for $20. Good for you Gabby. You want your baby someday to look back at you in photos and say, "Wow, Mom, you were so hip back then!"
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