Guilt No More yard

There are some people who have very messy lives. These people for some perverse reason seem to feel that the only way they can bear to go on living their messy lives is to tell perfect strangers about all the ways their lives are messy. (I think particularly of hairdressers who have given me the history of their romantic entanglements with men who are now in prison, as well as people at large parties who regaled me with detailed descriptions of their various methods of birth control, and how these methods did or did not work according to expectation.)

I too live a messy life, in a very real sense. Messy, that is, in that physical sense. This place, in other words, is a pit. Now, the only way I can bear to live in such a messy place is to remember that I am in the family business -- Guilt No More Products and Services, Inc. -- and my job is to model the merchandise. Having explained myself, let me relieve my mind by sharing with you the latest line in Guilt No More landscaping. "Urban Mud/Back to Basics" is what I'm thinking this product will be called when it goes on sale.

Take a look at this.



I mean, look at it. Could you possibly do ANYTHING to mess this up? It's perfect for people who frequently prefer their lawn mower to be stored upside down, in the mud, near the piles of plastic garbage that we call the Children's Outdoor Equipment.


Oh man.
See that white string half-buried? That's the clothesline.

Hmm. Somehow, I still don't feel better.